She Is The One & Only HER
Nothing really went right for me today. Have you ever have one of those days where you think nothing of yourself and wonder why on earth are you living in this world? Well I do. And today happens to be the day. Skipped the standard charted due to lup dup. Went there and I can’t even play that score properly. Well I am getting kind of pissed at my-self. You see I haven’t been excelling in almost everything. Some times I really wonder what I am good for.
When I as in the play school a girl name Stephanie once said this to me, “See your like my mother, pretty butt no use, all the pretty people is like that one, no brain” It didn’t really bother me then. When I as in primary school, while my mum was purchasing something in the store, while waiting for her outside, a girl with her mother and brother pass by me and she pointed at me and said “ma! Look a beggar”. Was telling myself not to cry, while I was walking home with ma.
Back then when I was still young, ma would have to purchase daily products bringing me along. Some times when there is too much things to carry she would put them all around me and ask me to wait for her outside the shop, while she goes into a bakery to grab some breakfast for us. Passerby will stare at me give me a weird face. I am just like a sore thumb sticking out from everyone.
Cousins didn’t really treat me well and aunty is adding oil to fire. I didn’t really have a very good childhood. [With people would be more like it] I was always told that I am wrong. And I believed them.
Going into primary school and then secondary school nothing is really right for me. My results fluctuate like stocks shares markets. I do have friends [that I can count with my finger] and enemies which I think would be 4 times more then friends.
My day use to boost to me about my brother being a prefect in primary school, when I was a prefect in secondary school, he simply said I wasn’t tall enough to be a prefect.
I always told me self if I put in my best I would be come successful. But seriously when I look back I don’t see my self going any good. I haven’t been very good at almost anything and I think I have let my ma down.
Was on the way home just about to cross the street, I told myself “I will just cross and if I am not dead then it would be I am at least good for something and that god created me to be useful”. Ends up I do not have the guts to do it. Maybe if there way a bicyclist who couldn’t stop the break in time I might have been push to the road and have it tested out.
Please don’t tell me I am good at things. I can’t excel in studies what am I suppose to be when I grow up? Beggar? And everyone will stare at me like a sore thumb sticking out?
I can’t even excel in something I like. Music it is as good as giving it up. Seriously practice makes perfect 5 years and I think I still have got my basic correct.
Being good at something that does not count in GDP is as good as nothing. I wonder how I will survive in the world next time with the GST increasing to 12%.
100 marks people can get 100 marks and I got only 43. People get 70 plus and it’s not good enough for them. They got 3.9 and yet they say they are lousy. It really makes me think if I am of any use and with such lousy results I wonder if anyone would want to hire me next time.
Well ok let’s not talk about studies. How about drawing? Christina is a good artist she can easily be a famous designer. Tara a good musical, Cherylynn she is good at communicating she can be sales executives.
On days like this I would think about what am I doing here on earth? I know everyone has a reason for being here. And maybe my reason is to be here to be good for nothing so people would have something to compare. [Yes who ever is reading I am external locals of control blame everyone but myself]
The weather is super cold and i am freezing and having a tounge ouser is not making me feel any better.